It’s early 2010 and with more vines in the ground than there are tea trees in China, Australians have absolutely no problem at all dealing with another record grape harvest, writes our business analyst! As another perfect day draws to a close in the summer of ’09/’10, tinged with a sunset brightly splashed with the colours of chardonnay and shiraz, it’s time to reflect on yet another decade of achievement by the Australian grape and wine industry. Whoever could have believed it could be so versatile? Good old Aussie ingenuity has never stood so tall or proud. Take for example the idea of selling sucrose concentrate from Riverlands chardonnay to what used to be Indonesia. Bloody brilliant! When a country’s trying to rebuild itself there’s always a market for the basics of life, no matter where they come from or what their religion. And they’re still paying more per tonne of fruit than the poor buggers who persist trying to sell it in casks, not to mention what General Motors Holden are paying those other poor buggers attempting to distil the stuff. Talk about a multi-purpose variety! In a way you have to thank those French for this. Who’d have believed that back in 2001 they’d have convinced the entire EU to put a complete ban on all wines made with oak shavings? Sure the wine still made today is better than ever before, but it’s now so expensive you just can’t sell it into Europe. And when Greenpeace ran that campaign in ’05 against wine that was not naturally ozone-protected, well that made Australian wine about as marketable overseas as those mini-busts of our beloved Prime Minister’s bonce that he mass-produced to honour his first ten years in office. He’s still got an amazing head of hair, that Kennett, and he sure knows how to sell wine, licence or no licence. Some of us still can’t figure how the country’s biggest-selling wine is Prime Minister’s Port, especially since it’s not even sold at retail. But I’m a Victorian and I’ve seen the guy at work before. Bloody superb. So the challenge facing us all now the country is covered in grapevines from Esperance to Eden, Hobart to Hamilton Island, is what the heck we’re going to do with enough chardonnay and shiraz to fill five Sydney Harbours and three Lake Eyres? A couple of years ago one of the Riverland cooperatives had a bright idea of mixing the stuff with orange juice and selling it to the kids as frozen wine popsickles. But all the oranges were replaced with vineyards about five years ago and the kids are only interested in spirits anyway. The other day a fly on the wall told me that Bush Vine Blush is now the best-selling colour in the Dulux catalogue and CSIRO is about to market its long-awaited shiraz-based heart health pill. Yet despite all this domestic success, our vineyards are still bringing in the foreign currency. You have to admire the way the Australian Grape Product Export Commission has gone about introducing Australian shiraz to an entire new generation of American consumers. There’s hardly a supermarket on the entire US East Coast in which You Beaut Aussie Shiraz Jelly doesn’t run rings around the Concorde Jelly the Septics were born and bred on for years. Just goes to show a decent European grape vine will always knock the pants off some American native species, regardless of who’s eating it. And as for going into bat with the Meat and Livestock Corporation to change the domestic eating habits of a lifetime – who’d have believed that Heinz Bush Grenaz Sauce would have become the topping of popular choice atop the loin chop and burger at the good old Australian barbecue? That’s marketing for you! And it still allows the average Aussie punter to taste shiraz once in a while, even if it’s blended with grenache and tomato pulp and has more residual sugar than de-bloody-Quem! But at the end of the day the guy I dip me lid to every time is Andrew Garrett. Sure he’s had a bit of publicity lately, but the Australian Cosmetics Industry doesn’t just let anybody into its Hall of Fame as the country’s Raunchiest Smelling Male. The bloke’s a genius, pure and simple. A whole generation grows up going to wine classes and learns what the grapes taste like and when to match them with what food. So Garrett goes a step further and tells them how to wear those flavours and when to do it. Looking to seduce or win somebody over? Try a subtle but arresting fragrance based around riesling or muscadelle. After the big power play in the corporate HQ? Don’t risk it without the musky, assertive scent of shiraz or mourvedre. You’d be crazy to. This guy has been such a hit that they’re even thinking of planting new grapes again, the first in five years. So, bring in the crop of 2010. I just can’t wait to spread it, eat it, wear it, pop it and drive it. And I might even get around to drinking some of it as well!
